The Past Year

This blog is going to be a big one. My goal is to get everything, emotions included, written down that has happened in the past year. To some, maybe all, this might be a little boring. I have decided that this blog is more for the girls though. I want to share it with anyone that is interested, but the main point of this is to have our memories documented. I hope one day Mya and Kyla will be able to read this and connect with their mom and dad. Also, of course know about their childhood. I am horrible at keeping a journal consistently, and then you also run into the risk of losing it. I cross my fingers that if for some reason I lose my work on my computer (I have learned to back it up-thank you thief) that it might still be floating around the internet in twenty years. If not, I still feel this is my safest bet. So again, I am writing this for my family. I worry way too much what others think, so I have debated even starting a blog. I get nervous that people will judge my post or think I am blabbing on and on about nothing, but I need to remind myself that this is TRULY for my family. If you want to read it, great. If not, that is great too. I do not want this to come across as bitchy, but I just needed to get that off of my chest. Now I can begin to tell our story how I want to tell it. Without the worry, without the pressure.
I want to start off by saying that I believe with all of my heart and soul that I was born to be a mother. This may sound a little cliché (especially since I live in Utah), but it is the greatest thing in my life. They are the reason I wake up the morning, go to school, eat three meals a day, and want recovery. I honestly believe they saved my life. I do not know where I would be without them. So I want to thank them, and of course Drew. I will get back to him later though.

FIRST YEAR IN A NUTSHELL

I remember the first time looking at them. I could not see them very well because they were both in incubators and had a lot of tubes covering them. They wheeled me in (still in a bed) between them. It was so hard not to hold them, but I knew it was impossible. I tried to hold their hands as best as possible, but like I said it was difficult with all of the equipment. About an hour after they were born, Kyla was transferred over to Primary’s. It was really hard to have them apart and manage my time between the two. Luckily the two hospitals were connected by a very long hallway, but it gave me hell the first couple of weeks. I was like an old woman using a wheel chair literally as my walker. I swear sometimes it took me 30 minutes to get to the other end when it took me only 5 minutes normally. Recovery was hard, but I made that walk every single day, more than once.





FIRST TIME HOLDING THEM

We got to hold Mya when she was two days old. At first I was so worried about pulling or touching the wrong tube it was hard to relax and enjoy the moment. The nurses assured me everything was okay, and showed me the best way to manage the cords. Because she was born so early she slept a lot. The first time I got a glimpse of her eyes I think was when she was a few days old. She barely cracked one open long enough for her to see me then she was out again. She also smiled a lot in her sleep. It was the cutest little crooked smile. She still does it to this day and it still makes me melt every time.



We finally got to hold Kyla when she was about a week old. I don’t know if you would even call it holding. I got to pick her up, then set her right back down.


The next day I got to HOLD her though. She was so much smaller than Mya, and had SO many more tubes. So you could imagine my panic. The nurses had to assist me, of course, and would put her in a position that would be the least likely to jeopardize anything. They both loved skin-to-skin time, and I would do it as much and as long as I was allowed. Even Dad would strip down (only his shirt) and snuggle them up to his hairy chest. Unfortunately with Kyla this was never long because her temperature would start to drop so she had to be put back in the incubator. This was true for Mya too, but she could keep her temperature up for a little bit longer. When Kyla was finally able to eat, many of her tubes and IVs were taken out. It was a completely new experience holding her, and just her. I felt so close to her at that moment.



FIRST FEEDING:

I remember the first time feeding Mya. She was about two weeks old and it was the scariest thing I have ever done. Prior to this she had been getting milk from a feeding tube. This continued until she could handle all of her feedings. When your baby is born premature they do not know how to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time. So I was basically in charge and had to do it for her. That is a lot of pressure!! The position we had to hold her in was a little awkward at first, but soon became all we knew. I am sure you all have a picture in your head how you hold a baby when you feed them. Cuddle them close and basically cradle them. With our girls we had to hold them parallel with our leg, their butts pushed up against our belly, and their heads out towards our knee. They had to be on their sides so any milk they could not handle would trickle out their mouths. We could only fill the nipple of the bottle half way (very important), and had to watch her swallows and pull back at the right moment. After a couple of sucks, we pulled back to allow her time to swallow and breathe. This may sound simple (sort of), but I am telling you it was not! It was hard and terrifying to master. Sometimes they would stop breathing and multiple alarms would go off. By that time I was bawling and feeling like a horrible mother because I could not feed my own child. The nurses were great and helped us emotionally and physically. By the time Kyla was able to eat (she was 6 weeks old the poor girl) we had it down. Because her intestine was not attached to her stomach when she was born she had to receive all of her nutrients through multiple (and I mean multiple) IVs. After her surgery (she was 4 weeks old) she still had to wait two more weeks. When the big day finally arrived, Dad was lucky enough to be able to give her her first taste. It was less than a suck of milk, but boy did she suck it. We had to feed her the same way as Mya. It was still very scary and loud from alarms. She flew through the next two weeks and got to come home!!!

KYLA’S SURGERY

We found out that Kyla had duodenal atresia when I was 24 weeks along. Thanks to modern technology they could diagnose it through ultra sounds. I am so thankful for this because we had plenty of time to prepare and transfer hospitals. Duodenal atresia is when the upper part of the intestine is not attached to the stomach. We were unsure of the severity, and would only know when she was actually opened up. The plan was for her to have the surgery pretty much immediately after she was born. Unfortunately, since she was so little they thought it would be too risky. Ideally they wanted her to be at least 5 pounds, so we had to wait. Because the intestine was not attached to her belly if she did eat it would not have anywhere to go but back up. It was so hard to see her so sad. She had to have been so hungry and uncomfortable. The nurses posted a sign on her incubator saying, “Please don’t disturb me if I am content. I cannot eat and am very sad about it.” This helped because I swear every time she was peaceful the doctors would come around and poke and prod her. It was heart breaking, but she was in good hands. She didn’t quite make it to 5 pounds before surgery, but they decided to go ahead and do it. When they opened her up they found some more problems. She also had a malrotation. I am still a little confused on what it is exactly, but basically things were not in the right place because they did not rotate in utero. So she now does not have an appendix. They took it out to prevent any future confusion. The surgery went great, and it was just a waiting game after that. When the fluid from her belly cleared up, that meant the bile was passing through and she could finally eat!! I have never been so excited about a poopy diaper than I was the day Kyla took her first one. It was a celebration!!

HOSPITAL VISITS

Every time we went to see our girls we had to scrub down. Wash up to our elbows with scruffy-sponge type things, clean under the nails, all jewelry off, and top it off with hand sanitizer. This was the routine and my nails looked wonderful, but my skin was SO dry. Only two visitors were allowed in at time, and at the University (where Mya was) me or Drew had to be one of them. At Primary’s (Kyla) only two visitors at a time as well, but grandparents could go in without us. I felt safe at the hospital because they were both hooked up to so many monitors. So if their levels even dropped a little bit an alarm would sound. At first when you heard that ringing it was instant panic. After a while, you learned how to read the huge monitor displaying all of their information and knew when it was a real emergency. Luckily they did not have many of these. Like I mentioned earlier, they could not be held the whole time. So I spent a lot of time just sitting by their side and talking to them. I read a lot books and just stared at them. They were so beautiful and there was no other place I wanted to be. When Mya came home it was really hard to juggle being with her and up at the hospital with Kyla. Most of the time Drew and I took turns. He would go up one night, and then I would go up the next night. That was a really hard month. I am so grateful for all of the grandparents and family for their help and support. They would go be with Kyla or watch Mya so I could go see my other little girl. I could not have done it without our families. It was such a relief when they were both home, in the same room. Our family finally came together on June 7, 2009.

REUNITED:

I will never forget when we finally had them both home. Drew and I went and got Kyla while Grandma Jamie and GG (Great-Gram Bun) watched Mya. We put them in the same outfit (a perfect pair onesies made by Aunt Tasha) and laid them in the crib next to each other. They had not been (or even close to) each other for 8 weeks. Almost instantly they both turned their entire bodies into one another. It was like a magnetic connection and warmed my heart. I know they knew and remembered one another. They love each other so much. It was so nice to be able to hold them both at the same time. Best day ever!





HOME LIFE

Having two babies is hard work. I figure I am lucky because I do not have anything to compare it to. So I do not know any different, and quite frankly, it is hard (and weird) to imagine just having one. For the first couple of months all we did was “babies”. After one was fed, then I had to feed the other. Then change one, change the other. I think you get the picture. I swear after I got done feeding them, I swear it was time to do it again. It was nonstop. I had to do everything separate with each of them because they each had special needs. They slept in separate cribs from day one. We kept Kyla in our room in an elevated bassinette for a few months. She made me a little more nervous I wanted to hear every little peep she made. She had reflux pretty bad so she had to upright as much as possible. We did not get much sleep as you can imagine. Not necessarily because they were awake, but more because I was terrified. After about a month I felt a lot safer, and they were doing a lot better. They put on some weight and Kyla’s coloring went from a deep grayish-yellow to a not so deep grayish-yellow. Once we established a schedule life was a lot easier. They caught right on, and it has saved my sanity (whatever sanity I have). They were great babies from the start. They still do not cry unless they are hungry or tired, but since I do have a schedule I can normally catch it before it even gets to that point. A lot of people around them say they never see them cry. Believe me, they do; just not that often. I have found with them that if you go 10 minutes past when they are used to eating or sleeping, it will be hell. If you do it 5 minutes early or on time, it is as smooth as butter and they are happy as clams. They are very predictable, and I feel as a mother I can read them pretty well. People ask us all the time how we do it. My only reply is “we just do.” Dad helps out a TON!! He has been so amazing through this, and has really surprised me. He goes to school, works full time (sometimes two jobs), and still right when he walks in the door is ready to change a poopy diaper (or whatever else is needed). I don’t know how he is so great, but I could not have asked for a better father for my children.
They love to give kisses. It is a full-on French kiss. Mouth wide open and tongue out. Even though you get drenched, they are so irresistible. It is the cutest thing to watch them give each other kisses. It is so funny!! They love it and start cracking up. ADORABLE!!

THE FIRSTS

• The first time they slept through the night: Mya was 4 months, and Kyla 5 months. My definition of sleeping through the night is when we did not have to feed them. Yes, we still have to get up every once in a while and stick in a binky. We consider this a “good” night.
• Rolled over: Both around 6 months
• Sat up by themselves: Both around 8 months
• Crawled: Mya was 9 months and Kyla 10 months
• Ate baby food: 7 months
• Ate real food: 11 months (soft of course)



• Babbled/talked: Started babbling around 2-3 months. Now they can say things like “mama, dada, baba” but I don’t think they know what they mean.
• First tooth: Two little bottom teeth around 10 months



• First Laugh: 3 months
• First pull-up: Mya: 10 ½ months Kyla: 3 days ago!!
• First Cupcake: Had first taste of cupcake at today’s photo shoot. Kyla was a little unsure, and Mya tried to stick the whole thing in her mouth. Hopefully I will have pictures soon. It was hilarious and SOO messy.


So this is kind of the last year “in a nutshell”. I cannot believe that this time has passed so quickly. It makes me cry every time I think about it. I am so excited for their first birthday!! Don’t worry; there will be a WHOLE new blog about that, pictures included. Their party theme is “Thing 1 and Thing 2” just to give you an idea. Hope you made it through this. If you want to add anything please do.